If you’re majoring in business, there’s a good chance you want everyone to know. I mean, look at the other options. “English major” conjures up an image of some hipster working at a coffee shop; you’re not sure what things like “anthropology” and “cognitive science” even mean; and as far as most people are concerned, “engineer” basically means “nerd.”
Sure, the stereotypical business major is a white dude who drinks a lot and uses jargon for no reason, but at least he ends up at Goldman Sachs, right? You might as well make it obnoxiously clear that you have the kind of major that doesn’t make your parents needle you about what you’re going to do with your life.
1. Find any excuse to wear a suit—and if you’re not wearing a suit, wear your Greek letters. Have no middle ground.
2. Sprinkle your social media accounts with hashtags like #workhardplayhard, #thrive, and #leanin.
3. Talk loudly about an article on the front page of The Wall Street Journal.
4. Have two types of calculators on hand at all times.
5. You know what would go well with those calculators? A fake leather binder.
6. You should also carry business cards. Don’t have a job? Carry business cards anyway.
7. “Sorry, I can’t. I have a recruiting event later.”
8. “Sorry, I can’t. I have a group project meeting later.”
9. Make your group names not-so-subtle references to partying.
10. Be vocally skeptical about everyone else’s major (until you talk to people who major in the hard sciences, at which point you should react by recoiling silently in shame).
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